What People Struggling Need to Know
Written By: Ashley Fortier
In today’s world, anxiety and depression are terms regularly used to describe feelings of being overwhelmed or disinterested and sad. These feelings are usually due to stress that comes externally from our environments or internally from our perceptions of the environment. There are many different sources of stress: work, relationships, finances, and personal health.
Maybe you’ve suffered abuse or trauma that amplify these feelings. Maybe you’re someone that ignores these feelings and ends up finding yourself in more trouble than you started with or you’re someone that is so bothered by these feelings you can’t see a way out. Just know there is hope and it doesn’t cost several expensive sessions in therapy to start healing.
One of my favorite quotes from Dale Carnegie goes:
“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”
That kind of wisdom you should tape to your mirror or fridge. It’s nice to have a quote; but what exactly does it mean? This is where most people get stuck.
In this article, we’ll outline some of the things you need to know in order to take action against anxiety and depression…without the expensive appointments or life-long medications.
It Starts With You
No person has ever changed that didn’t first want to. The first step in healing is realizing you struggle with these issues. Recognizing that these feelings cause a behavior that has a negative impact on your life and health and wanting to change the pattern is a concept that has been developed into a practice many people pay for called cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). But it’s really just as simple as recognizing feelings and their behavioral responses, and replacing them with better responses and feelings.
This can be done in one of two ways. When faced with a stressor you can either do a different action than you normally would take or rewrite how you feel about the stressor.
Anxiety’s hallmark is worrying about outcomes. And though it’s true you cannot control your environment, other people, or the weather… you can control:
1) your response
2) your perception and
3) your future actions.
Example: You’re late to work because you left the house a few minutes past your normal time and traffic was heavy. Now you’re worried about getting written up.
Some people who are late never worry. You can treat the situation gently, instead of beating yourself up for being late and playing negative voices in your head like “you’re always late, you can’t get anything right”…give yourself grace. Negative thoughts only reinforce negative patterns. Try instead: “Sometimes people are late for reasons known to them and don’t have any problem. I will do better tomorrow.” This sets you up for positive change. If you can catch negative thoughts and start replacing them in this way, you’ll be able to move toward the change you want to see.
The next step is ownership. You need to realize you were late because of your own actions and plan to take better ones tomorrow. Set your alarm for earlier, set out your clothes the night before, maybe wake up and immediately take a shower…whatever it is that works best for you. These things will take practice but eventually you will develop a habit that prevents the negative outcome anxiety anticipates, in this case: getting written up.
Depression is just anxiety over a long period of time that has become dull and alters beliefs about our self-worth for the worst. It often feeds off of negative self-talk much in the way anxiety does; except depression does not care about negative outcomes and believes no action taken is going to matter. Again, you can either act or change your perspective. The first step is always to catch negative thoughts and replace them. Beliefs you hold about yourself or the importance of your place in this world need to be positively spun because every person in this world matters. You’ll either have a net positive or net negative impact on your environment by the end. Life is not neutral.
Understanding the responsibility to change lies with us, now we can explore some basics.
The Fundamentals
You may have heard a buzzword getting thrown around in the mental health space called “self-care”. It sounds lovely and wholly positive, which it can be when done the right way; however, the way media and influencers push self-care is anything but wholesome. The societal view has moved away from accountability for our actions and towards the band aid of self-care, not making any sort of behavioral changes just doing what feels good now. It’s like medication that only treats the symptoms and not the causes of our stress. Most often it involves sleeping, taking days off of work, or spending money. All of which depressed people do and none of which are helpful to the person themselves; thus creating more anxiety. We know from the earlier paragraph depression is just anxiety that over time that has become dull to the point it alters our belief in self-worth.
I’d like to define what self-care really means so that everyone at the base level is able to control their immediate reactions. It’s something not many people know.
There is a hierarchy of needs that all living creatures have. The most basic level is physiological; a need for food, water, and sleep. The second is safety, a need for security of resources, employment, health, and property. The third is belonging, a need for love and community. The fourth is self-esteem, a need for achievement, confidence, and respect for and by others. The last tier is self-actualization, the need to be who you feel you’re called to be.
When confronted with strong emotions, I highly recommend exploring this hierarchy of needs.
ALWAYS start at the base. Check in with yourself. If you’re tired, rest. Hungry, eat. Thirsty, drink. These are quick fixes to improve your mood. In the moment when things feel overwhelming, this is the simplest way to care for yourself. Then you can explore the other tiers. The best example of needs not being met in this tier can be seen in the universally accepted, colloquial term “hanger”.
The safety level is where many people start having complex anxiety. The way to care for yourself in this regard is: if you need money, save; a job, submit applications; better health, workout and eat right. For every need, there is a right and wrong action. If you need money but spend instead of save, you will find your future self anxious and depressed. This goes back to recognizing your patterns and taking accountability for your actions.
The third tier is love and belonging. If you’re feeling lonely, make a phone call. Other activities include: joining a group that shares your interests, connecting with family and friends, going out to a brewery and striking up a conversation, or staying away from people that consistently make you feel bad. Human connection helps soothe depression and anxiety at the best of times and at the worst of times it can cause it, but either way it is necessary. We are naturally social creatures.
The fourth tier is meeting goals. To do this, start small and prove to yourself that you can meet the goals you set for yourself. This will increase confidence and self-esteem. I like to do this by creating a checklist each day and feeling a sense of accomplishment writing the check mark in an otherwise empty box.
The last tier, self-actualization, is where you become the person you want to be. Affirmations can be attributed to this tier. Telling yourself who you are guides your steps and beliefs toward that direction. It’s the ultimate goal you have for your being. Saying things like “I am kind” or “I am strong” even when you don’t feel like it are ways set up plans and actions that lead to caring for yourself and becoming the person you want to see in the mirror.
